One of the most difficult cultural ideas to break, but one of the most important, is the idea of “the one” and a lifelong relationship. Society, religion, and tradition teaches us that true love is eternal and that lifelong relationships are a key marker of success in love.
It has us going through hoops, sacrificing dreams, and compromising life goals in order to maintain relationships that may not truly serve us or serve love. Is staying together unhappily for 50 years really a mark of success? I think not.
The truth about lifelong relationships
Listen, I get it. I go into every relationship hoping that it will be lifelong. I nurture it and care for it and encourage it to grow and flourish. But the reality is that people grow and change – and it is not always together. Sometimes there are irreconcilable life goals or values.
And there are unacceptable sacrifices. It is one thing to sacrifice your time and energy for a partner. But to sacrifice children you wanted, a career you spent a lifetime pursuing, or a community that you have deep roots in is something altogether different.
Championing love: The difference between freedom and restriction
I will always champion love and the happiness of the people in my life – as well as my own happiness. That doesn’t mean sacrificing everything to keep a relationship going.
If you’re truly championing love and happiness, it will be self-evident – because it is always about freedom, not restriction.
It’s the difference between recognizing that you and your partner are heading different places in life, and freeing each other to pursue happiness vs. sacrificing your own hopes and dreams to pursue theirs.
One will lead to happiness and fulfillment for both of you. The other will more often than not lead to resentment and drag everyone down into unhappiness – achieving the very thing you sought to avoid.
The ebb and flow of life
The truth is that relationships ebb and flow – friends become lovers, lovers become friends. You can have those close, intimate, lifelong relationships. They just aren’t always going to look like that traditional Hallmark marriage. However, when you free yourself and those you love to be happy, you will always have love and great people in your corner.